


I'm Sorry

by Cat (ActualBuckyBarnes)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (?), Angst, Anxiety, Author Is Claiming Her Spot In Hell As We Speak, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Did I Mention The Sad, F/M, Fluff, Gen, I REGRET NOTHING, Look I tried, M/M, Sad, Triggers, WHY IS IT SO SAD, everyone is sad, everything is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-04 23:49:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6680890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ActualBuckyBarnes/pseuds/Cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Dear Everyone,</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><i>I can't decide how to start this letter- Odin knows I've tried too many times to count."</i> Pepper read, voice shaking, <i>"First of all, I'm sorry."</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Sorry

_"Dear Everyone,_

_I can't decide how to start this letter- Odin knows I've tried too many times to count."_ Pepper read, voice shaking, _"First of all, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was an asshole all of those years, I'm sorry I built a homicidal robot, I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I killed Steve Rogers."_

At the mention of Steve's name, Bucky curled a little tighter into a ball. He was smaller like that; he was safe.

 _"I'm sorry. I can't say it enough. It's all my fault- trust me. I know this. You can quit yelling it in my ear; I hear it enough inside my head as it is."_ Pepper had tears running down her cheeks, _"And I know you're thinking that this can't have happened, that Steve has to be fine, right? But even my dad's work isn't infallible. Steve wasn't invincible, just like Pietro. Just like Rhodes."_ Wanda broke down, sobbing into Vision's chest. Although Vision didn't quite fully comprehend human emotion just yet, he figured it would be best to let her cry.

 _"I'm sorry I've just ripped open a thousand wounds. I'm sorry I started a War. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."_ Pepper's voice was cracking and shaking so hard that she couldn't even read the letter. Rhodey took over. His legs still wobbled as he walked, but he was getting better. He was healing.

 _"I can't handle it. I know I gave up drinking- Bruce helped me there. But he's gone. And so is Steve. And Jarvis. And trust me, I'd give anything to have them back. I don't want Pepper or Rhodes to feel like they didn't help- they did. Trust me. You helped."_ Rhodes read, almost too steadily, like if he stopped speaking to think about it he'd break down too, _"I started to drink again. I had breakdowns, anxiety attacks during flight, and right in the middle of nowhere. I'd be doing the most arbitrary tasks- fixing my cars, shopping, just reading and trying to calm down- when I'd get these little pains and I wouldn't be able to breathe."_

 _"I can't continue. That's why I wrote the note. That's why I did what I did."_ Rhodey choked up, still reading, _"So, I guess this is truly goodbye. Not like the Taliban or the Mandarin or that guy with the weird whip things. This time it's on my terms, and that's the way I felt best. Not in some heroic battle- that's for Cap. He deserved better than what happened. What I caused."_

 _"I digress. I wasn't meant for great things, I might just have been happier on a little farm in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of little Tonys and Virginias running around. I wasn't meant for a great explosion or a deadly force to beat me, or the bang of a gun. I was meant for quiet and undignified."_ Rhodes almost stopped reading, _"So I guess this is truly goodbye, then. Except, I hate goodbyes. They're awful. I hate them just as much as I hate being handed things. So I guess this is an 'until next time'. I am so, so sorry._

_Until Next Time,_

_Anthony S. Stark,"_ Rhodes finished numbly. The few people there surveyed the scene. The Tower was a lot quieter without Tony's incessant laughter or Cap's old guy jokes. Somehow the two felt like thirteen people instead of just Tony Stark and Steve Rogers. Just the little boy from Brooklyn and the man who liked to tinker.

"I just got him back," Bucky whimpered from the corner.

"He had a ring," Rhodes said, handing Pepper a ring shaped like a tiny arc-reactor. It glowed blue and had the words inscribed on the inside _Proof that Tony Stark has a heart. -AS_

That's what truly broke Pepper. She started sobbing full-on, into Rhodey's shoulder. Sam Wilson sat next to Bucky, looking just as blank.

Nat was the worst. She didn't say anything- she'd lost so much. Bruce, Tony, and Steve, in too little time to recover. She stayed huddled closely to Clint's side. He would sing her little songs- the Russian lullabies she sang to him when he was injured.

"Спи, младенец мой прекрасный, Баюшки-баю. Тихо смотрит месяц ясный, В колыбель твою. Стану сказывать я сказки, Песенку спою; Ты ж дремли, закрывши глазки, Баюшки-баю." Clint sighed, brushing the hair out of her face. Sometimes, she was a friend. Sometimes, a partner. Sometimes- and this was the rarest- she was like a daughter to Clint, like the one he had back at the ranch. Soft and too young and easily broken, like a china doll. She still didn't say anything, just stood there, as empty as one, too.

"спасибо," She hugged him close, "За то, что мой друг."

"Пожалуйста," Clint said in response.

The Tower (now the Base) was never the same. Sure, there would be secret pillow fights and the Nest would go back into swing- a place for each Avenger to go when they needed a small space just to be with their thoughts, or some music, or a book. Sure, there would be fun and they would move on, but not entirely. There would still be articles on _Tony Stark's Anxiety- Was the Man Behind the Suit_ Really _Sane?_ and _Steven Rogers and Anthony Stark's Death; the Tragedy of the Century_.

There would still be candle-lit memorial services and singings of "Star-Spangled Man," like a hymn one might sing at church. Even when Bucky took up the shield and suit, Captain America would still be gone. And so would Iron Man.

But friends would confide in each other. They would huddle together and play board games just like old times. Except it wouldn't be like old times without Stark's cheating and then an hour long debate with Rogers about said cheating. They would take comfort in each other, knowing that they were there and alive and all right.

Just that the ones they loved most were not.

Bucky never even got to say, "I love you."

Pepper said it too little.

And Wanda had perhaps said it too much.

**Author's Note:**

> WHY DID I WRITE SOMETHING SO SAD?! I'll make it up; here's a joke. What do you call a three humped camel? Pregnant!
> 
> That did not work.
> 
> Translations for Clint and Nat's conversation in Russian; 
> 
> спасибо- Thank you
> 
> За то, что мой друг- For being my friend
> 
> Пожалуйста- You're welcome
> 
> The long paragraph Clint sang is the Russian Lullaby, a traditional song mothers would sing to their children. It's one of my headcanons that Clint is basically the father figure for Nat and Wanda.


End file.
